Spill Writing

Where angels fear to tread (Mel Donohoe)


she wants to be an angel but physically, she is human

 

ANGELS.AND.DEMONS.AND.FOOLS.AND.BLOOD.D

R

I

P.

SIT.WITH.ME.HARD.WOOD.FLOOR.FEET.DEAD.WITNESS.FEATHERS.FLOAT.AND.BLOOD. D

R

I

P.

 

FLESH.BONES.BLOOD.

 

 

YOU.ARE.THOUGHTS.                she wants to be an angel but physically, she is human

 

 

white set white chair white table blue ladder

 

white woman white dress white feathers flitter

 

she c-c-c-c-c-cuts herself

 

what i mean is she is c-c-c-cccutting her left wrist

 

one

 

two

 

three

 

four

 

five

 

what i mean is she is now c-c-c-cccutting her right wrist

 

one.

 

two.

 

three.

 

four.

 

five.

 

what i mean is i can’t at first see the … and i think maybe she’s not doing it maybe she hasn’t crawled underneath her white chair in her white wedding dress it’s not until i see the blood emerge from under her skin down her flesh and onto her white

wedding dress that i know

 

i know

 

i want to go to her

 

i want to hug her, wrap her up and tell her she’s beautiful

 

but she continues

 

marking

 

i think i could call it marking

 

marking her flesh

 

as these flitty feathers lay on a pillow case

 

soft

 

white

 

fragile

 

and she picks them up

 

pin.PIN.PIN. them into her arms

 

what i mean is she wants to be an angel

 

one

I WANT HER TO STOP

two

I DON’T WANT HER TO BE AN ANGEL

three

I WANT HER TO BE OK WITH HER BODY

four

I CAN’T LOOK AT HER

five

I SHAKE

six

I WANT TO WALK AWAY AND FORGET

seven

I CAN’T FORGET

eight

I’M NOT ALONE

nine

OTHERS ARE WATCHING

ten

OTHERS WANT HER TO BECOME AN ANGEL

 

and then she starts on the other arm

PLEASE I WANT IT TO STOP

I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS BIT

DO I HAVE TO DO THIS BIT?

 

one

SHE’S GOING TO BE AN ANGEL

two

SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO BE AN ANGEL

three

I’M CRINGING AND SQUIRMING

four

I CAN’T WATCH SO I BURY MY HEAD IN BETWEEN MY LEGS

five

MY LEG IS NUMB

six

I CAN’T FEEL MY LEG

seven

SHE’S LOOKING AT ME

eight

I STARE AT HER TO KNOW I SUPPORT HER CHOICE

nine

BUT I WANT HER TO STOP

ten

THE ANGEL IS STARING AT ME

 

and the angel climbs the ladder, balances and flies. she is beautiful, in pain but beautiful. the woman is an angel now.

 

and i don’t know why i don’t know why i couldn’t watch why it made me feel sad and hurt but it did

 

my body is fragile

 

ANGELS.AND.DEMONS.AND.FOOLS.AND.BLOOD.D

R

I

P.

SIT.WITH.ME.HARD.WOOD.FLOOR.FEET.DEAD.WITNESS.FEATHERS.FLOAT.AND.BLOOD. D

R

I

P.

YOU.ARE.THOUGHTS.                                                              she has made herself an angel

 

-Michelle