Spill Writing

This is how it feels to be at this festival in this moment


 

I’m sat in the dark and there’s this sound I don’t want to listen to and I’ve just seen johnsmith and I’m surrounded by these people that I love and the thought flows into my mind

 

I don’t know how to be alone

 

I don’t know how to do this alone

 

And I pick up my pen and I find my notebook and in the dark and without seeing I scrawl these barely legible words that begin to swell from inside me and I make a desperate attempt to explain how I feel and it feels like a love letter, like a facebook message sent late at night when I’m intoxicated and I have this sudden rush of desire, a frenzied attempt to connect and just make you understand how you make me feel, how you make me feel…

I understand my body is as expansive as intricate and as unknowable as the universe I believe there are powers that lie in me beyond any imagination the multitude of my biology of my psyche of my spirit of my history of my senses of my rhythms the waves that move through me the seeping dripping flowing and the pumping I’m wet all over my skin leaking from the holes in my head and cascading from my cunt but I can’t do this alone I can’t do this alone I don’t know how to do this alone inside me is the universe but it needs you it craves your cosmos if I am a galaxy I am only able to exist through my collisions with yours I want all of you I want to see to experience to dive into the matter that pulsates through you I can only exist with all of you if everything in me is infinitely possible what happens when we are together body to body to body to body to body to body to body to body to body witnessing body on body on body on body on body penetrating body by body with matter and believing really fucking believing that we are all infinite that we are all infinite and when we are here right now in this exact moment together breathing together seeping together bleeding together sweating together twitching together infecting each other it might just be the it might just be the it might just be possible right here right now if we just recognise that we are all made of stars…

-Phoebe