Thu 01 Jan 1970

As part of Oreet Ashery’s SPILL Salons, Rachel Porter and Edd Hobbs have been documenting infection through writing. See the first post for a description of their approach to writing.
What are we scared of? What should we be scared of? 22nd April 2011

fifth day brain fried zombie voodoo catholic school anti theist resurrection the body of christ the blood of christ cannibals and vampires overly gratuitous gore differentials within culture it kind of blew my brain really fried my brain fifth day of conversation recovered memory popular mainstream mass culture georges bataille and video nasties pornography was more dangerous and more terrifying free school sane and level headed pedagogy autonomous educational adventure thinker in residence as autonomous educational adventure recurrent fear of mimetic contagion and psychic contagion mesmerised influenced by charismatic leader different kinds of zombie how zombies moved from haiti to pittsburgh the living dead claws its way through invasion plague orientated infection medicine goes wrong white scientist body mass problem may sixty eight cult leaders unapologetically incoherent infective contagion comes about through perverse acts metamorphic transformation instead of dying viscerally explicit reconfigures spectators gender no longer understandable with what am I identifying what are my organs doing while you throw up your organs are you willing to watch something for pleasure that does not make sense you must suspend your belief in order to enjoy these films flesh unbound unwrapped unmapped social misconceptions and fears around disability body horror one of the most horrific organs is the vulva women as not lack the body is capable of doing more things than we are ready to deal with body that is not mapped differbility differently abled body future of physical vulnerability regarding the son of god good friday even a normal body is scared and weird death and the corpse right hand and left hand clean pure body image without abject the solar anus mainstream culture capitalises on perpetuating polarisations how sex with a dead lover other dead loved one is not understood as rotting decrepit body pleasure in spectacle of ruptured body a lot to absorb I was wondering why I was here I have no interest in horror films distinction between scared and fear a level of immersion why do people stay what is the engine which drives what next we must immerse ourselves in fear in spite of ourselves fear creates imagination and new trajectories of desire double speak double write car crash slow down no one really wants to be afraid but sometimes being afraid is better than whatever else you are feeling catharsis cave animals and female genitals vulva only in pornography in medical imagery vulva esque gaze vulva esque spectatorship multiple viscous open closed I really love this idea what is a vulva esque conversation what is vulva esque writing possession what is that doing to me what do I do to it wet splatty non narrative mess male artist paints female vagina why has representation of the vulva been so repressed in western art massive billboard with a vagina on it saying why not art accesses the stuff that we do want to have a relationship with the blob getting bigger the blob is a metaphor for repressed female sexuality subtle lipstick dark hair being on the blob menstruation blob rag blobby raggy horror films to get scared and grab each other pass on a sensation from screen to audience they’ve been wombed assimilative infectious no moral code it likes people it finds people communism mccarthy how can you believe it if you haven’t seen it yourself performance and documentation trauma trust war residual trauma not telling the truths of war don’t worry everything’s going to be alright is the lie that we need to make everything ok royal wedding zombie walks blasphemy shit and jesus aryan prince nazism shock horror intervention voodoo amplified everything that terrified the white colonial elite symbolic terrorism weaponless warfare maggot confetti cheap dog food dye maggots for living dead even if you do not want it to be political you cannot help it being political you can’t replace one politic with another but you can rupture throbbing viscosity beneath white shiny skin hysterically funny and very grave the blob is sucking the air out of the room out of the circle out of the blob the blob is sucking the air out of the blob now zombies are super fast everything that has ever been done the italians did it first medium specific found film virus that emerges in the medium that it relates to riots and royal weddings the media wins both ways remind ourselves of social domination stop being angry young people and love the royals rights to demonstrate reduced theatrical spectacle in which we are all potentially participants carnival queer royal simulations perverse mimetic performativity scared of apathy people have a default presumption that this is how things are zombies are non adaptive no conversation no hybrid ideology they are an infection but they deny the infection not frightened in advance badge of honour human race talked about as stupid or foolish anger tension I want to turn around this is the first time during the salons that I have been desperate to turn around my heart rate has increased I want to know why someone feels so frustrated with the conversation and so angered by the way people are talking if I was to repeat this to any friend they would be horrified when I listen to you I think god help us I have nothing in common this is turning into a proper argument she is not getting upset she is getting upset I’m angry because I thought that maybe I would have some kind of connection i’m looking for something to excite me I would hate to think that you are the only non zombie in a room full of zombies no connection between what you have been saying and my life self indulgent support each other i’ve come to hear this conversation but it appears to be about your discomfort which you are yet to name conversations are not necessarily pragmatic or practical you’re going to have a hard time if you are trying to cling on to certain identities zombies have humanism reduced important becomes banal if I was a zombie I wouldn’t be worried about the things that are worrying me now women continue to interject what does this record of a conversation become when there is so much emotion at stake anti capitalist zombie no longer confused want for need the whole thing started with what you were scared of frightened of not being frightened psychology without autonomy not in control of your brain thinking thoughts you do not want to think like this writing other people’s thoughts go through me whether I want them to or not but I do get to select which thoughts I allow through conversation ends I’d like to stop writing there but the conversation has started up again why is a festival about infection not about aids are we post aids spore that explodes into cells terrorism diseases of inequity infection happens elsewhere we move on very quickly and leave the communities that are still in the midst of it I’ve paused at the end of the sheet waiting I went to catholic school the only man I came into contact with was skinny bloody jesus a religion based around vampirism and cannibalism baroques expression of the grotesque commendable reorganisation of the human body blew my brain powerful luscious seduction enjoyed exposure exposed myself to exposing myself video nasties on summer holidays erotic and sensual pornography more terrifying than getting your head blown off more level headed blowing off your level head low cost no cuts no cost horror inspired royal wedding tracing voodoo let’s start with zombies mimetic panic hypnotically influenced somnambulists and mesmerists a different kind of zombie haiti to pittsburgh new zombies zombie transitions clawing their way through when they come back they won’t stop coming some kind of plague an infection a bite the green light makes my skin change colour it looks sickly and contagious crazy cult leaders political contagion the visceral experience of the organs and the faces unapologetically incoherent I hope this is apologetically incoherent I apologies for my incoherency gore violence non aggressive violence how can violence be non aggressive persecutor persecuted victim vomiting out their entrails luxuriously pleasurable why can’t I stop watching you throw up your organs genderless zombies with no face you must suspend your disbelief in order to enjoy these films a celebration of the infinite unravelling of the flesh everyday body horror social misconception around disabilities how have films shaped social body horror we can’t deal with the vulva the phallic eye the body is capable of doing more things than we are able to deal with feminist queer disability differability a body that appears different we’re afraid of difference so it turns to indifference we become blind to it the corpse is the most everyday thing and the most repudiated the functions are vilified right hand purity left hand low real life stories are often like horror films channel five documentaries on the boy with no face the spectacle of the ruptured body or ruptuous body a lot to absorb an absorbent material mopping up shit off a cream sofa what is the distinction between scared and fear why do people stay and watch what is the engine that drives what next it’s a lovely day I could be doing something else but I’ll come to this we must immerse ourselves in fear in spite of ourselves fear creates imagination and desire a human is mentally perverse where I’m from we’re really good at clearing away the mess of a car crash what slows the process down are the people who want to watch it your typical day stricken with something atypical it cannot be reduced to the plane of catharsis entrenched fascination with female genitals the walls of a cave pornography medical a vulva esque mode of spectatorship the wound and the vulva share a lot of anxiety a woman holding her buttocks like a pear a harsh image of a vagina pornography is more contagious than horror the porn plague repression of the vulva a billboard with a vagina saying why not collapses the distance between subject and object and creates an abject world the blob shiny amoeba in your face menstrual blood arrives around puberty subtle lippy on the blob on your period the blobby rag horror films are where people go to get it on nuclear family no sex surrounded by a pulsating wound pushing itself into tight places why did they give it a parachute hollywood blacklist my pen is running out I hope I get to the end of the plastic pretending everything is fine a refusal of negotiation don’t worry everything is going to be alright the lie you have to tell even though you know it is a lie what is the agency of the zombie obscenity of the royal wedding a nice new shiny diana and her aryan prince and the nazi brother in law royal wedding condoms royal wedding sanity towels royal wedding incontinence pads voodoo amplifies everything that terrifies white colonialism a weaponless mode of warfare maggot confetti dye them pretty colours negotiation of shock or fear is political this is not a priori a rupture a wound beneath the skin what is the media’s role it’s really hot air is being sucked out of the room that sounds like a good horror film death by suffocation spill out your guts new zombies are super fast but the italians did it first happy slappy snuff films a virus out of a computer game medium specific horror the brixton riots royal wedding as bread and circus to distract from the real social issues enforced synthetic homogenisation stop being angry and love the royals a theatre a mass spectacle if you want to play carnival zombie then you can get the kids crowns to wear queer simulations tranny royal wedding I’m scared of apathy I’m scared the pen will run out we should be scared of narcissism and over privileging zombies are scary because they are non negotiable spiders death age I just don’t like them the rest of the human race are being shat on most people are over the age of fifty five but you’re all young you haven’t been through anything am I young I’ve been through things I don’t think being young makes me arrogant my friends would be horrified a revelling in horror in vulvas in sexual violence I just think god help us I don’t have anything in common with you isn’t that good she wants us to be zombies I didn’t mention vulvas you did vulvas against state new t shirt slogan I would buy one a non zombie in a room of zombies is being frightened similar to being angry when you get scared do you cry or shout did this deliver what you hoped for naming a discomfort these talks aren’t pragmatic an ecstasy in narcissism hard to engage when clinging to identity is it better to be a person or a zombie a freedom of being a zombie all you need is a mid section are we all just zombies anyway using grey matter and our mouths to ask questions and work things out the confusion of want and need does art makes us human or inhuman frightened of not being frightened my biggest fear is forgetting of not remembering the details but you can never remember everything a man eating truck does anyone remember a man eating truck what do you think about when you think of infection infection of hiv cells terror cells infection as a mode of control what are the possibilities and outcomes of this festival the diseases are real they are infecting people now as a culture we move on very quickly forgetting the communities that are still in it when we are not we just move on we should move on but let’s not forget forgetting is my biggest fear